PAIN you Bastard Endometriosis

It's been awhile since I've written... I guess because it has just been an incredibly long and trying year.. emotionally, physically, spiritually and on so many levels I can not explain. Last year I finally gave into Lupron Treatment for my Endometriosis in the fall of 2010. I was getting married and I just did not want to take the chances of having my period during my wedding week which would have completely destroyed my wedding. Especially because in the last year and a half for a good 9 months we spent at least once a month in the ER of hospitals in two different states. In fact just this week I had an ER visit in Miami and the doctor actually said "Your Back". He knew who I was. Pretty Sad. There was no bullshit he just cut straight to the chase... 2 shots of dialudid to kill the pain not even with an IV just straight into the bum muscle... he made a couple phone calls to my pain management doctor and gyno and my husband and I were on our way. I was so doped up I don't even remember how I got home.... This is becoming a battle that I'm just tired of fighting. Before the Lupron treatments last year I did one cycle of birth control... after 3 months of being a complete psycho on Lupron for the first time ever, can you imagine planning a wedding and all that stress coupled with being shot into Menopause at 36 years old... Insanity... my husband and I within a month after the treatment knowing that I was fertility challenged decided to attempt doing an IVF cycle. We flew to California after having met with a doctor in Miami that we started the process with but decided he had no heart and was just basically a mad scientist who had no compassion... what has happened to the world of medical care... they just don't care anymore. My family physician of over 20 years Highly recommended an IVF doctor in California that she said we could trust and so we spent two months in Cali beginning the process of trying to create a family. My husband afraid of needles, shot me up twice daily with hormones while I shot myself in the stomach twice a day as well for two months... it was a trying time... Newlyweds who should have been enjoying our first months of marriage we're just trying to survive the emotional swings and chemical hormonal imbalance and emotional pain for my husband of dealing with the IVF cycle. We didn't even make it through. We got a call from the doctor saying my body just was not responding to the hormones.... just not producing anything... and she was so matter of fact and so cold and so just like OH WELL.... AND we Were BEYOND crush. We made so many threats out of our anger, we went to her office demanding our money back, because we'd been through hell and back with our insurance company, we screamed and I threatened to go to the press with my story. It was awful it was almost the point of no return for me.  To this day we have not shared with anyone our journey outside of my mother who was there supporting us through it all. It was heart breaking and we were FILLED WITH ANGER... we felt taken advantage of and I  was just so PISSED at my body for letting me down. ENDOMETRIOSIS I HATE YOU. The worst part was not longer after returning to our home in Florida we found out our inlaws we're pregnant... and that was heart wrenching. It was not easy to receive that news, it was not easy to see their journey and it was a joyful yet painful moment the day their beautiful daughter was born because I don't know about my husband but I could not help but think at this very moment in time if it wasn't for Endometriosis we could have been having the same experience. It's hard to feel joy for someone else when you've suffered through the unexplainable pain of what we had been through. The day we arrived to our home after driving across country from Cali to Miami I fell to the floor buckled over in horrific pain and in 20 minutes the paramedics were at our door. This is just a nutshell, there's just so much that's happened that it would take hours, days, weeks, months, even years to write it all down. It's hard and I can't believe I've finally come to a place of being able to share. My husband found an oncologist in Miami while my mother was visiting a few months later after our return from the IVF Nightmare and this doctor referred me to a pain management doctor, low and behold all that's come of that is a cabinet full of prescription narcotics that could fill pharmacy shelves or make some dope head one happy crack baby. There's no resolve, there's no cure, there's no solution. There's just this never ending battle of PAIN. I've been sleeping until 6pm. I've been taking pain killers and those side effects are just unbearable. I feel like I've lost my life, but at the same time there's like this tiny little flame that's steadily burning deep inside buried underneath the masses of cysts and fibroids and adhesions and lesions and god knows what else. I have a husband who stands by me, thank god I'm not alone. We won't be having children, we've accepted that... am I still angry? No. am I still sad? No. I'm actually at this place where I feel like that aspect is a blessing. I look around me at all the children in the lives of my friends and family and I think "what a nightmare these people are living in" in their own way. My brother used to always say kids are overrated. I always used to get pissed at him for that when he would so thoughtlessly suggest a hysterectomy, but now I get it. So here we are again... a little over a year later... facing the option of another shot at Lupron because we are at a loss. I was never an advocate for Lupron treatments... there was a moment in this past year where I thought wow if I would have just did the Lupron 7 years ago... things maybe would be different. But we make our bed and we lay in it... Lupron = MENOPAUSE, night sweats, hot and cold flashes, Insanity, bone pain, weight loss, stress, depression... but what's worse? Being completely bedridden everyday of your life or 2 weeks out of the  month addicted to pain medications stronger than heroin. A hysterectomy is not a cure... and yet I even finally gave into that option and was told it would be life threatening for me because of the Endo on my colon and the two major surgeries I had for endo and the fact that another surgery could create bowel recession and be fatal. So in a nutshell I'm just fucked. I'm sitting here at 8:07am a few days before New Years and I'm pondering the Lupron.... Pondering the Lupron... I want a fresh New Year. I'm  moving back to NYC with my husband to go back to my career fulltime and Endometriosis can not get in my way. I won't let it. Anymore. Thank You to my husband... Thank You to my mother... Thank you to my father.... the 3 of you... are the ONLY ones that have enough compassion to listen to me, to sit through my literal screams of suffering in pain, to hold my hand, to hold me and I know you have nothing to say because I know you know there is NOTHING you can do to help me. I know for you and for my husband you suffer in your own ways of feeling helpless and how awful to watch your child and your wife that you love suffer and not have anything you can do to help.  God I'm so grateful for you. Do you know this? This is not an easy disease. So many women like myself are suffering. I've done all I can to raise awareness, I want a fucking cure god damn it. I look at Marilyn Monroe who also had Endo and I get it.  I hope my life does not end in some tragic way like her,  where it will be misconceived the pill bottles, the pain, the suffering, the insecurity, the mood swings, the death. I want to say this though, to all you that think you know, to all you that are on the outside of the bubble looking in, what you see is your own perception. You will NEVER know who we truly are, what we go through, how we truly SUFFER, why we are how we are, and NO I AM NOT BITTER, but I have no patience for your Bullshit. I have no patience for your whining about your miniscule idiotic complaints, because I have a clear and true reality of what suffering is. So when I hear you whining about the ridiculous things in your lives I look at you and laugh because you don't realize how blessed you are just to be HEALTHY. If you have your HEALTH you have EVERYTHING. So shut the fuck up and realized how Blessed You Are and how Easy you just may have it. There's always someone suffering worse than you. Just like right now in this moment there is someone who is suffering worse than I and I know because I've lived it and I've seen it with my own eyes, I've seen and experienced the suffering of another far worse than my own. So I can still recognize my own blessings and THAT'S what makes me TOUGH and that's what makes me a WARRIOR and THAT'S what makes me a SURVIVOR and THAT'S what makes me DISMISSIVE of BULLSHIT and have NO PATIENCE for those who have no clear perception and concept of what truly MATTERS IN LIFE.

Dear Endo... Go Fuck Yourself. You're not going to stop me from living my dreams, You're not going to cripple me from living a full life, You will NOT win against ME.

Peace.

suffering in silence - a one woman dialogue

I could really use a cigarette and my husband completely supports me in having one. NOT. I'm going to wait to smoke one in PEACE & QUIET. $15, 000 and 18lbs later and I don't even have a negative test result becuz my body hates me so much it won't even let me get that far. So this is a much earned smoke that's to be shared with somebody that even gives a half of a rats ass if I had a good friend to share it with.

I've been thinking tonight. I've had a lot of personalities in the last 36 years... a whole lot of different "me's". There's the white valley girl, the black revolutionary, the gangster, the gotta have a donut fat girl, the tough 21 year old new yorker, the hollywood skinny bulemic bitch, the addict,  the super spiritual guru, the totally self-indulgent, the life-coach, the life saver, the actress, the singer, the witch, the bitch, the poet, the artist, the girlfriend, the raw foodist, the vegetarian, the burger eater, the daughter, the sister, the aunt, the best friend, the wife, ... and well the list goes on and on... but through all my many different personalities there's one me that I can't seem to shake, can't get rid of, mature or grow out of and it's the one ME I'd like to kick the most... the SICK ME. I can't really ever remember a time in my life where I wasn't sick or feeling like shit on some level. I don't know if my memory serves me right and if growing up in school I was faking sick because I wanted to stay home or if I was really feeling sick. I do clearly remember waking up many mornings and laying in bed and yelling "mooooooom I'm siiiiiiick I can't go to school" followed by  "it's not fair OTHER PEOPLES PARENTS let them stay home from school when their SICK" a miserable car ride of tears and yelling and then well 50 % of the time waiting on the school steps for her to pick me up and take me home...so THOSE must have been the times I really WAS sick or THAT'S when I began to really develop into a serious actress. I'm thinking with both options that maybe they could have been some sort of self prophesising manifestation of the future?... possibly... I may have just  quite possibly MADE myself sick for the rest of my life... literally manifested my disease... I do have that POWER within me (let's not forget there was the WITCH me... casting spells) ... but then we'll never really know for sure if it's a manifestation, genetics, or fate because my disease is just so god damn complicated.  It took 10 years or more of suffering to be diagnosed, so yea it's very complicated. To be diagnosed. A diagnosis. A diagnonsense... A dialogue of nonsense... Yes it's still a word I'm trying to theoretically break down like disease which I'm quite saturated in at this moment... dis-ease. I'm kind of liking the "dialogue of nonsense" breakdown because right about now this is how I feel a conversation with most doctors is... it's a "dialogue of nonsense"  When you've met as many doctors as I have throughout the United States in every venue from an ER to a private practice you start to see one common thread through the weaving of the medical blanket and that's that they're all just really having a dialogue of nonsense with you after  as my husband puts it years of  "A, B, C or D fill in the answer on the multiple choice and get a degree, now you get to charge people a lot of money while your screwing them in the rear with no grease" hope that BMW is super comfortable and treating you nice while you drive real fast from being able to look at yourself in the mirror cause I don't know how any person can face themselves sober that is in an industry that's all about taking people's money at their most vulnerable or leaving them to die when they don't have any money left to take. NOW THAT My friends is the taste of BITTERNESS...  what I call a REAL SECONDARY DISEASE. It's the one you manifest when your simply just fed up with the American Medical Health Care System oh and let's not fail to mention INSURANCE companies. Let's break that word down... hmmmm Insurance... pay a high monthly premium that may even be more than your mortgage and be INSURED to have a lot of DIS-EASE in your life while you have what seems to be a never ending DIALOGUE OF NONSENSE with every representative in every department insuring you a pain in your ASS while you try to deal with being SICK. ENDOMETRIOSIS IS A BITCH.

Today's Meditation Experience - Being Guided by Robert

Before I moved to Japan in 2004 I was very deep into my meditation practices. My body was vibrating so golden during that time because I was incredibly balanced, focused, positive, inspired, and at peace because I was practicing deep meditation every day. My spirit was so open that I could think things I wanted in my life and they would just happen. That's how Japan came about for me, I asked the Universe for a job, and for the third time the director of a show in Japan called me a few days later and offered me a gig. This time, the third offer in from him, was the charm. Living in Japan was an incredible experience because of the energy there. I was so connected living in Japan to everything and everyone. My physical chemistry and spiritually energy just really matched perfectly with Japan. Life happens and sometimes we lose pace with meditation and I ahve to admit I have done that over the last couple of years. Today something just happened within me that just said "Stephanie, time to meditate". My meditation experience was absolutely amazing. I got deep into meditative state I felt as if I was floating because I was so LIGHT and so at PEACE. Something in me was suddenly inspired to ask my grandmother's spirit to guide me. I have never had that happen before where I have asked for a guidance in the way of directly asking a specific spirit to guide me. Something inside me was just suddenly inspired to ask for guidance and to call out spirit names. So I just did it, and I asked my grandmother Sofia. She didn't respond, it was like an immediate okay she is not responding. So I asked my friend Robert who passed away last year to guide me instead... and he responded and he did. I started asking him questions and he gave me answers that I could feel so deep inside me right in my gut. I was asking him about my relationship's. I asked him about my career and recent events, I asked him about all the choices I've been making, my health and many many things. And he answered them all... and all the answers felt so right and so true and so pure, and so positive, and so CLEAR. It was incredible. Totally refreshing. I felt so at peace, and so guided, and so loved, and so looked after. I had never experienced anything like it before and there was no hesitation when my grandmother didn't respond to just call out another name... and Robert's just came to me next, and instantly he was there to guide. When I got up from my mediation I felt completely balanced and inspired to do my practice ever day. Just amazing. I felt like I had all the answers to everything in my life at this moment and I was okay with all of them. A lot of the answers weren't things I would have expected which is why it was so clear to me I was being absolutely guided and protected and to have TRUST AND FAITH.

Today is the first day I feel like I'm moving back into a peaceful space inside my heart, my spirit, and my mind. I have faith in all of the events that have led me up to this day. I feel that all of things I am experiencing in my life in this present moment are all blessings even if they appear not to be, I KNOW that they are... and I believe that they are a leading me to my ultimate destiny. I trust... I have faith... I believe.

Call it God... Call it what you want to... I call it Real... I call it being Alive... Life is Beautiful.

Today's Doctor Visit - IMPORTANT PLEASE SHARE.

Today I had a follow up appointment at the doctor, escorted as always by my wonderful and amazing husband. As we were sitting in the waiting room, a 40 year old woman very disgruntled, sad, emotional began to speak to us... Ariel looked down at his cellphone and listened without looking at her, but I sat very quietly and looked her in her eyes and let her speak.

She told me her whole life story, she's had breast cancer, fibroids, all sorts of diseases which have manifested into anxiety and she's very very ill. Her dad died when she was 7 and her mother is also dead. Her husband who is 13 years older than she is, does not care about her medical situation, and even went so far as to ask her if he could have a girlfriend because she's so ill and he wants his needs met. She has to sneak around to get to the doctor because he's so fed up with listening to her cry that she's in pain... he just wants her to "Deal with It".

She's been to tons of doctors, no one can help her and she feels lost and I completely understood her pain because well that's been my life story with my Endometriosis (feeling helpless). As she was speaking she began to cry... and she told us how she felt so alone. She was saying she has no more faith and sometimes she says to God to just take her she felt that everyone in the world is suffering and it's so unfair and asked me what should she do?

I looked her in the face. in the eyes and very quietly said with a smile "I understand, I too have suffered a great deal, take it one second at a time, one minute at a time, one day at a time and visualize that you are healed" She replied "I can't I'm just in such a negative place" and I said "You have to believe even when you don’t believe you still need to fool yourself into believing. Tell yourself you are happy, you are healthy, you are wealthy, you are free and you are HEALED".

She looked at me and said to me "you look very familiar to me and I just sat and smiled and told her to believe"... She began to cry even more and told me I was something a long the lines of a saint and special and that I should hold groups where I talk to people and help and support them and that's when Ariel looked up and says "She does". And I said, through acting and holding a space for people to be creative I do listen to people like you everyday and I do my best to EMPOWER them and I promise you... you are NOT ALONE.

She got up and she hugged me and I held her in my arms and rubbed her back and told her it's going to be okay. She told me she felt so much better now and started to apologize for crying but that she really felt ALONE. And I again said you are NOT alone. Look around you there's a whole room full of women waiting in the same situation as you... so when you feel alone know that you are not.

What was the lesson learned today?

That sometimes people just need someone to listen... to REALLY listen to them... and to hold them and be compassionate and LOVE them... because even the love of a "stranger" can help you to keep fighting the good fight. We're all so caught up in the things that we can not take with us while there is someone sitting right next to us in the same room who needs a little bit of your LOVE and COMPASSION... Everyone is suffering in some way... so next time, you want to write someone off because you’re too consumed in your own bullshit, or you think they're crazy, or whatever judgments you may have... maybe rethink for a second that GOD/THE UNIVERSE/GODDESS/ALLAH/BUDDHA/JESUS whatever you call it put you with this person in that moment for a reason because they need you and you need something from them as well to help YOU GROW.

Thank you my nameless friend for sharing your story with Ariel and I today... when we first walked into the doctor’s office we were tired and exhausted and I didn't want to be there and I had wanted to cancel my appointment this morning and all last week but Ariel made me go. When we got there I was pissed because the ultrasounds are only done on Thursday's and today is Monday and I look to Ariel and say "So why are we here" And THEN I sat down and had a moment with a total stranger... and I found out exactly why we were there... because someone needed ME.

Love Stephanie St. James

For more information on Stephanie click HERE.
For more information on The St. James Acting Studio click HERE.

Lucky Bug Photography

My WTF - Wonder Twin Forever reminded me today that I'm the only other woman she knows that can literally make things happen over night. I decided over the last few weeks that I want to take pictures of people as a business to go hand in hand with teaching my students. I want to provide them with the best quality photos... I know their vulnerabilities, their strengths, and in what ways they truly SHINE. So in one night I created "Lucky Bug Photography" the name inspired by my dogs Lucky & June Bug. Lucky Bug Photography will provide images for Artists, Actors, Singers, Families, Couples, Pets, and the list goes on and on!

So Introducing Lucky Bug Photography stop on by and view the pictures that are up on the site now.

Share the site with your friends and family. Call us for a photo shoot to capture your memories.
Peace Love Unity Respect.

My Photography

I don't think I ever like to admit when I'm suffering spiritually... but we've been faced with some physical, emotional, and mental hurdles... this has been what's saving me.

Blank Faces

Uninspired
blank faces surrounding me
desperately reaching out for something to grasp
so they morph into one another
with no real sense of identity
covering up the pain
with a sick and twisted
maniacal laugh
the insanity bleeds through
and stains
the little of purity
that remains
and I sit quietly in the corner
observing
with a chaotic mind racing
from the energy of their confusion
I pull myself out
and walk away
quickly
so as to not get trapped in their
delusions
Skeletal remains
as the skin sheds like
a paper bag in the rain
blown by the wind
carry me away
to a tranquil space
where the silence rests easy
the heart beats at a slow pace
slow and steady wins the race
but when the shots fired
she's not at the starting line
because the competition's
exhausting
and the eyes stab like daggers
filled with envy
and she is an open wound
of vulnerability
beautiful
yet painfully
filled with love
they see her devotion to the cause
and strip her of what little strength
she
has left
step by step
one by one
all lined up
waiting a turn
to take a piece of what they so desire
of what they so are lacking
gracefully slipping on what was shed
masked so skillfully
walking the line

to be continued.

Teaching

I opened my own acting studio in Miami... and my students are succeeding at an accelerated rate... I'm very proud of myself and their success... it feels good to do something creative that is actually making a difference in the lives of others... After over 25 years as a professional in the industry it was feeling like a JOB to get on stage... actually being on stage was incredible always and will always be... it's where I feel most alive... but everything that went with it... the cast members, the crew, the stage managers, company managers just the people we're not my speed... I felt like I was surrounded by evil and it made for a very miserable experience in every production and every show and my religion my performance was tainted and the joy was constantly being sucked out... I wanted to really stay creative but for me to find the fun in it again... thankfully my husband inspired me to teach which is something I've always wanted to do. The unique and interesting thing about how I work with my students is that we work together on not just the acting but the actor themselves... I teach my students to be fearless, confident, and to empower themselves... they learn about the reality of the business and I prepare them for what they really will face in an audition, working on a set, in a stage show... it's amazing to have students come to class and say "it was exactly like you said and I felt so prepared" and for them to be CONFIDENT and learn to have control over the insecurities from taking over and defeating their goal.

I just love love love inspiring others. I've turned some gigs down this year... for the first time in a few years... I remember when I turned down the Jesus Christ Superstar National tour and everyone thought I was insane because I had wanted it so bad for so long and it was a lot of money. But I was at a burnt out stage at that point and I followed my heart and a great blessing was answered. A diagnosis to some long time suffering that changed my life forever and opened more doors in the long run of my  life and my career. So again... my point of this blog... follow your heart, do what makes YOU truly happy, never half step or half ass your own happiness... and

come take class.
http://www.thestjamesexperience.com

I"m currently in Northern California and teaching and can be reached at 954-338-2228 to coach you one on one in Acting for TV/Film, Commercials, Stage and Musical Theater... as well as animation voice overs.

I work with seasoned performers and beginners and I promise you this will be a learning experience that will be new and refreshing.

Read the testimonials on the site.

http://www.thestjamesexperience.com


One student in 3 months has booked 3 stage productions

2 students are currently filming a feature film

and one student booked a lead in an indie film.

Let me help you reach your goals.

Frustrated

It's been a while since I've blogged... I'm a little frustrated with myself when I come back to this blog and I see how I deleted so many beautiful entries last year when I was going through an "I need to be more private phase"... I didn't know that I could have kept those entries and just made them so they could not be viewed and then shared them later when I felt like sharing. Well... lesson... we can not undo what has been done so move on.


I am married now. I married my best friend and love of my life on November 15th, 2010. WE have a lot going on in our life right now that at this moment I can not share... it is related to a lifetime of personal experiences and when the time is right we will share with all of you. I just want to say this... life is fleeting... it goes by quickly and it presents many good times and many struggles and the most important thing is to always remain in the moment and remember that Life is about LOVE. It's important to be conscious not to get sucked into the LIE of materialism and filling your VOID with things... I've noticed a lot of void filling going on around me and ultimately your misery will still exist your life will just be more cluttered and so will your spirit. I've been enjoying a less is more life style... and really learning to let go of attachments. When my grandmother passed away and I stood at her grave I realized that the most important thing was the love that was surrounding her as she went into the ground... nothing she had acquired in life could go with her... only the love... and THAT's what you should aim to fill your life with... fill your VOID with love for self and love for family and love for humanity. Live a life that is compassionate of others... know that all our financial bullshit is just that... it's all TEMPORARY and really a big JOKE. There's no real "spiritual" way of expressing this... or spiritual eloquence for that matter. I just implore all of you to really see things a little clearer in this present time and realize that you're only making yourself suffer more by trying to attain things of no real VALUE. Each and every one in her/his own time in growth... I'll be here on this side waiting for you to meet me.

Peace Love Unity Respect

My new Miami Acting Studio

I have dreamed for many years and only dared to share with very few close dear friends my dream to open up a school for children. My idea has always been to create a space for children to come after school that is the YMCA meets the Babysitter all around Performing Arts. A space where children get safe after school care, that is creative, and allows them to learn music, dance, artwork, as well as be positively motivated to express themselves and accept themselves as the whole complete beings they are AS THEY ARE.

Recently I decided to start building towards manifesting this dream. I happened to be asked to speak as a Master Speaker for some workshops for companies and colleges. Its become a confirmation for myself in speaking for these audiences, that I do have a gift for inspiring people to follow their dreams. It brought me great joy to share my personal experiences and use my journey as an example to inspire others to truly embrace their own personal journeys and create and manifest their destiny.  There is something really special about uplifting others as well as encouraging them by just simply sharing your own TRUTH. Now realizing that I truly do enjoy helping others I have begun the process of opening up a small acting studio for children and adults that will eventually become my after - school performing arts organization.

So as a step towards that goal The St. James Experience Acting Studio has been born. A space for children and adults to come and be creative and be inspired to living completely in the moment and learn to be free and accepting of oneself while experiencing a true creative process! A space where you can sing, you can dance, you can become a character or many characters and study acting, or simply overcome your fears of public speaking in a corporate environment. I'm beyond excited about the steady growth of participants and hope that if you have friends and family in Miami and surrounding areas that you will send them my way.

visit my site and please share with your friends...

Peace Love Unity Respect

Keep Glowing the Flow

Stephanie
http://www.thestjamesexperience.com

ENDOMETRIOSIS

If you have Endometriosis or know and love someone who does... I implore you to sign this petition. As Oprah Winfrey's show will be coming to an end... this is our last ditch effort to get her to dedicate an episode to raising awareness about this Women's Disease. Help us move forward to finding a cure and raising awareness... Please Sign the petition. We will submit it when we hit 1,000 signatures as time is of the essence at this point.

http://www.thepetitionsite.com/2/oprah-please-do-a-show-on-endometriosis

Feeling Sluggish and Run Down... How about Feeling ALIVE!

The affects of winter in NYC really began to take their toll on me over the last few months. I was feeling totally sluggish and run down. For months I was having a hard time sleeping, waking up feeling like I never got any sleep and running on really low fuel. My body was screaming at me that I needed a good dose of energy and I could physically feel my body saying "Girlfriend! You need a good Multi-Vitamin". I headed out into the cold winter air and walked over to my local Whole Foods Market on the Upper West Side of Manhattan. I love Whole Foods Market because they have a variety of products to choose from in their Vitamin and Mineral section. After browsing down the aisles one multi-vitamin really popped out off the Shelf. "Alive". I picked it up and decided to give it a try. Am I pleased? Incredibly! Within a few days I noticed that for the first time in years I was sleeping soundly, in a deep sleep for a full eight hours, through all the NYC noise on my block. I am waking up each day feeling refreshed, full of energy, and really feeling ALIVE. I've noticed my skin has an amazing glow to it, I have incredible amounts of energy, and mentally I just feel really well balanced. I love that there is no gelatin in this vitamin so if you are KOSHER this is fantastic. A Really Awesome WHOLE FOOD VITAMIN.

So if you're looking for a great multi-vitamin. I give two thumbs up to this amazing product.

http://www.amazon.com/Alive-Multivitamin-Iron-Added-tabs/dp/B00024CS4U  read more customer reviews on amazon.com

Dr. Ci Labo Moisture Collagen Eye

After years of using Dr. Ci Labo Aqua Collagen Gel to moisturize my face and being extraordinarily pleased with it (you can see a previous entry on my blog about it below)... I decided to give the Collagen Eye product a try. I ordered some Dr. Ci Labo Moisture Collagen eye cream and I am absolutely loving the results! The skin around my eye feels soft and lightly moisturized without being greasy.

So if you need a fabulous moisture product... I am again encouraging you to try Dr. Ci Labo products. You can purchase Dr. Ci Labo products on amazon.com

http://www.amazon.com/Dr-Ci-Labo-Moisture-Collagen-Eye/dp/B001RHWHQA/ref=sr_1_8?ie=UTF8&s=hpc&qid=1266266451&sr=1-8

I have been using the Super Aqua Collagen Gel for years after discovering it while living in Japan. I am so pleased with all the results.

there is something happening on this earth right now...

There is something happening on this earth right now and it's a very powerful example of progress and change in Humanity. I felt several years ago that a shift needed to happen globally for humanity if we were really going to be able to evolve spiritually as a global society. Although there are moments and experiences that happen on a day to day basis in our personal lives and throughout the globe to prove otherwise, it is in this last week that I see clearly we have learned something throughout our evolution... Haiti is our proof. It's a tragedy the reality of what is happening there, however, it is the response around the world that is our greatest lesson right now and proof to ourselves that at the end of the day WE ARE ALL HAVING THIS LIFE EXPERIENCE TOGETHER... PERIOD. We WOKE UP to the commitment we each made when we chose to have this physical experience, the commitment we've been sleeping on, which is to LOVE one another and have COMPASSION outside of our own selves. We are connected and I feel this was a GIANT STEP to re-connecting.

So I implore each and every one of us to NOT FORGET this feeling of what it's like to have our brothers and sisters experience great unfathomable tragedies not just in Haiti but all around the world even right outside your own front door... make it a sense memory that inspires you to live with love and compassion daily. I am every day making greater choices to WALK THE WALK and not just TALK THE TALK... it's a process... but WE ARE progressing... together and this note is just my way of hugging everyone and saying thumbs global citizens... we are on our way... FEEL IT.

peace stephanie st. james

Yea She Said it... I liked it... 29 days of Giving

29 days of giving by Laura Butler...

In this holiday season of hustle and bustle, it's easy to get caught up in the pure consumerism of it all. The fine line between wants and needs is blurred in the flurry of snowflakes, Black Friday sales, and holiday music. This feeds the mind's innate desire to wanting more, more, more. Two of the yamas (outward practices), the first limb of the eight limbs of yoga, deal with just that: aparigraha (non-greed) and asteya (non-stealing). Aparigraha is not being greedy and not accumulating more than what we need. When we take more than what is necessary, we are then stealing as a by-product of that greed. Since we cannot possibly use all of our surplus, we deny someone that need out of our own lack of use. Thus, that greed is a form of stealing. We hold onto things because ultimately, the things own us instead of the other way around. So with all of this swirling around us, what can we do? I read a story just before Thanksgiving about a woman with MS who received a prescription from an African medicine woman to give one gift a day for 29 days. Not only did her physical symptoms improve, but also her mental state and her happiness. I was intrigued by this and wanted to know what would happen if a healthy person did this, and decided to do my own 29 days of giving. I quickly discovered that Thanksgiving was exactly 29 days before Christmas, starting my gift-giving journey with giving thanks, and preparing myself for the giving season. The gifts can be simple: calling a friend, donating to charity, or even dedicating your practice to someone else. I have found in just one week of giving, how much more I'm capable of, instead of focusing on where I fall short. So, I encourage you, in your own hustle and bustle this season, to remember your own capacity to give, your own unique talents to share, and that what you have to offer the world is the best gift of all.

Listen to Laura Butler's beautiful voice here:
http://www.myspace.com/laurabutlernyc