Today I had a follow up appointment at the doctor, escorted as always by my wonderful and amazing husband. As we were sitting in the waiting room, a 40 year old woman very disgruntled, sad, emotional began to speak to us... Ariel looked down at his cellphone and listened without looking at her, but I sat very quietly and looked her in her eyes and let her speak.
She told me her whole life story, she's had breast cancer, fibroids, all sorts of diseases which have manifested into anxiety and she's very very ill. Her dad died when she was 7 and her mother is also dead. Her husband who is 13 years older than she is, does not care about her medical situation, and even went so far as to ask her if he could have a girlfriend because she's so ill and he wants his needs met. She has to sneak around to get to the doctor because he's so fed up with listening to her cry that she's in pain... he just wants her to "Deal with It".
She's been to tons of doctors, no one can help her and she feels lost and I completely understood her pain because well that's been my life story with my Endometriosis (feeling helpless). As she was speaking she began to cry... and she told us how she felt so alone. She was saying she has no more faith and sometimes she says to God to just take her she felt that everyone in the world is suffering and it's so unfair and asked me what should she do?
I looked her in the face. in the eyes and very quietly said with a smile "I understand, I too have suffered a great deal, take it one second at a time, one minute at a time, one day at a time and visualize that you are healed" She replied "I can't I'm just in such a negative place" and I said "You have to believe even when you don’t believe you still need to fool yourself into believing. Tell yourself you are happy, you are healthy, you are wealthy, you are free and you are HEALED".
She looked at me and said to me "you look very familiar to me and I just sat and smiled and told her to believe"... She began to cry even more and told me I was something a long the lines of a saint and special and that I should hold groups where I talk to people and help and support them and that's when Ariel looked up and says "She does". And I said, through acting and holding a space for people to be creative I do listen to people like you everyday and I do my best to EMPOWER them and I promise you... you are NOT ALONE.
She got up and she hugged me and I held her in my arms and rubbed her back and told her it's going to be okay. She told me she felt so much better now and started to apologize for crying but that she really felt ALONE. And I again said you are NOT alone. Look around you there's a whole room full of women waiting in the same situation as you... so when you feel alone know that you are not.
What was the lesson learned today?
That sometimes people just need someone to listen... to REALLY listen to them... and to hold them and be compassionate and LOVE them... because even the love of a "stranger" can help you to keep fighting the good fight. We're all so caught up in the things that we can not take with us while there is someone sitting right next to us in the same room who needs a little bit of your LOVE and COMPASSION... Everyone is suffering in some way... so next time, you want to write someone off because you’re too consumed in your own bullshit, or you think they're crazy, or whatever judgments you may have... maybe rethink for a second that GOD/THE UNIVERSE/GODDESS/ALLAH/BUDDHA/JESUS whatever you call it put you with this person in that moment for a reason because they need you and you need something from them as well to help YOU GROW.
Thank you my nameless friend for sharing your story with Ariel and I today... when we first walked into the doctor’s office we were tired and exhausted and I didn't want to be there and I had wanted to cancel my appointment this morning and all last week but Ariel made me go. When we got there I was pissed because the ultrasounds are only done on Thursday's and today is Monday and I look to Ariel and say "So why are we here" And THEN I sat down and had a moment with a total stranger... and I found out exactly why we were there... because someone needed ME.
Love Stephanie St. James
For more information on Stephanie click HERE.
For more information on The St. James Acting Studio click HERE.
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2 comments:
This is what I posted on your Dad's FB comment: "And Stephanie's blog is the very reason I ask my students in my leadership classes to answer the question, Why are you here? For what have you been created? Serving others is always a good place to start."
Unfortunately, "love" has lost the power of its meaning in our culture - of course, the Greeks have a word for the kind of love of which you speak – “agape” – a sacrificial love. You sacrificed your time, your own emotions, and your "anger" at your situation to listen to hers.
Your Dad often lives like your example: he is a great friend and, from what I have experienced with him, he may have been a model for you loving the lady in the doctor's office.
Thank you for sharing your story.
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